March 15, By NATALIE Reading Time: For them, attraction, love, chemistry and the whole kit and caboodle have a foundation in something of nothing. There seems to be an absence of spark with action. This is a very tricky place for you to be in. Now tell me, does your relationship history look like the fruits of telepathy? Just like the person who thinks that love is about having the power to change someone, you are giving yourself far greater powers to assess a person than you possess.
That is a problem. This is why so many people struggle to get over a relationship where there were a lot of illusions. Address your beliefs about what you think being instantly attracted tells you and compare it with the reality of previous experiences and ask yourself if that is true. Guy Connalee SXC and crystal ball also SXC. March 15, at Sounds a bit OT, I know.
But I remember how taken I was with him when I first met him in another function years ago. This reminds me why a loooong discovery period is necessary in dating and relationships. Why did this never occur to me until about a year ago with the discovery of this blog? And I might like to add: Pay attention to how people REALLY act, because there are often very telling patterns in their behavior. I used to spend a lot of time in groups, but I willfully IGNORED such clues.
Yes NML you are right. Even when after the second week I got a nagging feeling that stayed with me for 2 days that I should not continue. The guy I was seeing for 8 weeks just broke it off over the phone 10 minutes ago. This is the first time I didnt want to talk or manipulate someone into not breaking up with me. It hurts because I felt he was good to me, but I also have been feeling that his interest in me was waning a bit the last few weeks.
I confronted him about it this morning to which he protested but then called me this afternoon to say I was right about it and that he didnt want to string me along. Before I would have wanted to turn my world upside down to keep them, now I just want to hang onto to myself and my self worth for everything there is. I would like to say that he said he lost interest because I told him about a few instances where he told something personal about me in a group of people that embarrassed me and I felt he should have known better.
Usually I would have beat myself up over whether I should have said something or not but I honestly feel that not saying something would have not been honoring myself. Then there was another instance he mentioned where he threw my plate of food in the garbage before I was finished eating. I had gotten up to use the restroom and when I came back my plate was gone, he had thrown it out without asking me. Dating sites can be tricky, like any form of catalogue shopping.
Its only when you can check out the fit, design, purpose etc that you know the reality and we will, time and time again, convince ourselves that its ok or that we can change something about ourselves to make it work. It was only after I became an honest, savvy shopper, that i found my true fit! March 16, at So I MUST look at them in a different way. Look for morals, values, if he is a gentleman to everyone, if he can carry a conversation, if he speaks well of his ex-wife, if he has a good relationship with his children.
I do go out with friends in group settings. And YES it is important to really see HOW people act with others. A month ago I was asked out by a man my age, but I seen how he acted. Prior to asking me out he was going after every year old women in the pub. Of course these women shot him down…too old. So then he asked me out towards the end of the evening. My reply to him was.. The bartender was laughing his butt off at him. For most people, the more I get to know them, the more physically attractive I find them.
Hm maybe I am that way too? Maybe I'm panicking prematurely since we're not going out until thursday. I think some people are this way and some people just aren't. There's nothing inherently good or bad about it. If you're worried you won't be attracted to him, I recommend trying to keep things super casual. As a man, this is kind of revolutionary thinking to me. Physical attractiveness doesn't scale with personality for me at all.
I definitely did not think my SO was attractive when I first saw him he is still kind of disturbed by this but holy shit isn't he the only beautiful thing I see now. I have tried dating guys I wasn't physically into for this very reason. It never ended well for me. Sad to say, I think most people are either attracted to someone or they aren't, physically at least. I'd say it's worth a shot, but be careful. This dude sounds like a good guy, and you don't want to hurt him by leading him on.
Go on a date or two, get a feel for it, and maybe there will be a spark. But if there isn't, please don't keep dating him hoping that something will just happen. That seems like it would hurt both of you. I wasn't really attracted to my boyfriend when I first met him. We wasn't unattractive I just wasn't bothered. I'd seen him a few times after that and it hadn't changed, but we were talking more so I thought he was pretty cool.
Then one day he'd come over and I hadn't seen him in a while and I suddenly really fancied him and thought he was really good looking, and it didn't go away. We ended up getting together and I'm very attracted to him and think he's super sexy. Point is, I think you need to get to know someone and they then probably become more attractive to you. We were just friends at first, and he was in an LTR with someone else. She dumped him, and then we started hanging out more.
When I realized that we got along super well, and how he was always a kind, patient, and utterly dependable force in my life, I pretty much jumped his bones. He's more handsome to me every day, and I can't tell you how happy I am to see his face after we've been apart. And sex is outstanding. We're getting married this Saturday. Physical attraction comes after emotional attraction for me so technically yes. I found my current husband cute, but didn't get that deep attraction until I knew him better.
I can find someone benign physically, and then become more attracted to them as I get to know them. That's usually what happens for me in terms of crushes and relationships. I fell for his personality before I met him, wasn't initially attracted to his appearance, but the chemistry and compatibility was so fantastic I ended up falling hard. However I still "felt it" when it came to him, from the moment I saw him.
It was more a lack of aesthetic appeal than it was lack of attraction, because the chemistry was there. When I was a straight girl I would not normally have looked at a fat woman as a sexual or romantic option, far less an attractive one. I am very rarely sexually attracted to strangers, so if I only dated people I was immediately physically attracted to, I would never have been in a relationship or had sex. Some of my SO's yes.